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Recently I was in a panic over some decisions I needed to make. I’ve been one to pause in the face of not wanting to make a mistake or miss God. Meanwhile, God is much too big and too good to be missed. But with decisions needing to be made, time ticking, and no sure answer, I’d completely overlooked that truth. I believe that is why God tells us not to worry; it’s hard to hear Him when we’re worried.

Most times, my troubled heart has been due to a need and the fear of ‘my’ ability to meet it or not. Meanwhile God promises to take care of us, I somehow thought I had a part to play in His care. Of course it takes faith and trust on my part, but God is settled on His end. Yet, the worries came along with uncertainty and complaints. Instead of trusting God to be God and thanking Him for who He’s CHOSEN to be for me, I’d allowed my concerns to speak loudest. 

I’ve been holding on to this post for a while now. For some reason, it just never felt like the right time to post it. I take that back; allow me to be completely honest with you. It never felt right to me because I knew the accountability that would come along with it. I never like to post things that I’m not doing or don’t plan to do, and I’ve honestly had my fair share of bitterness and grudges attempting to come into my heart. But, as the guard of my heart, it’s up to me to decide what I will and won’t allow. 

For the past week I’ve been on a staycation of sorts. Basically, I’ve been dog/house sitting away from home and it’s been pretty good. During said staycation I’ve had quite a bit of time to myself. The introvert in me loves it although I’ve discovered that I’m an ambivert. But that’s beside the point. In my quiet time I had a lot of time to think to which I was met with some thoughts that I’d like to share with you.

How many of us find ourselves trying to get ahead of God? Not intentionally, of course! But, maybe He’s placed a dream on your heart, and because He says it’ll be, we assume it’ll be now. I can honestly say that I’ve had my share of moments where things weren’t moving fast enough, in my opinion, so I decided to get ahead of God. Along with my impatience came a lack of peace, the presence of tiredness, and even discouragement. All of which were due to my failed attempts to make something happen before its time.

Insecurity is a lack of confidence which fully describes where I was. I lacked confidence in being a friend, a writer, and doing most things. I wanted so badly to be perfect and to have it all together that I failed to realize that I already had all that I needed. Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), and HE LIVES IN ME, so I’m empowered to be a good friend. That doesn’t mean I’ll be perfect, but it does mean that God will work in me and with me to be the best friend I can be. And with His help, I can’t fail!

As a planner, I’ve wanted to know God’s entire plan for my life so that I’d be prepared or so that I can plan accordingly. But there’s no faith required for that. It’d be me getting ahead of God instead of being with Him, and I’d never want to be without Him.

When God asks us to do something, He will empower us to do it. He’s already qualified us for what He’s called us to; our part is to obey the call. When God asks us to do something, He’s not wondering nor worried about our reputation. It’s the heart and obedience for Him.

It’s easy to feel stuck when we lose sight of the fact that there is always a new beginning. Every moment presents the opportunity to begin again. We may have made mistakes, but instead of viewing them as a mistake that we can’t come back from, we can view them as a new lesson learned to take with us on a fresh start.

How often do we think that God has called it quits when our story’s don’t unfold the way we’d planned or hoped they would?

While I’m sure this has been the case since life began, something I’ve noticed in recent years is the disqualification of opinions—wrong opinions or the opinions that don’t line up with the majority. If one person felt strongly that every person on the face of the earth should like coffee and that there’s no reason not to, I can almost guarantee that they’d stop at nothing to let their opinion be known. And if not agreed with, I think it’s safe to say that shots would be fired.

There have been moments when I’d felt I missed God—both recently and throughout my life. I’d questioned some decisions and I even thought about what my life may look like had I made different choices. I want to do and be in God’s perfect will for me in my heart and with all of my being. To sum it up, I don’t want to miss God. But, can God be missed?

How many of us can say that life isn’t going as we’d planned? I don’t know about you, but 2020 has looked nothing like I’d had in mind when exiting 2019. From a pandemic, job changes, new friendships, then a job loss, and many new realities realized mentally, relationally, and emotionally, I can definitely say that I have been taken aback by the life events we’ve experienced this year.

This is not a letter to condemn, shame or judge anyone. It’s a piece from my heart to yours. An explanation of a huge misunderstanding that’s rocked our world for many, many years. It’s a piece that I pray you can find the compassion in your heart to seek understanding over judgement. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and this is just that; my opinion. Whether right or wrong, I ask that you prepare your heart to hear it as such. 💗