Encouragement for When Letting Go Is Hard

It feels like my word for 2023 has been “let go” because much of what I was faced with required me to let go. I didn’t technically have a word for the year, although in some years, I would ask God for a word, but not this year. To be honest, I don’t think I have since 2020. I won’t join the blame game for that one thing that shook the world that year, but I figured you’d get my drift.

Last year was pretty rough; I lost relationships I never imagined losing and even loved ones. It sucked, to say the least. Although I got through it and in many ways, I grew through it, it was still very hard to face, especially as one who prides herself on loyalty. But there goes pride ruining things again.

Anyway, this year I decided to get out there where dating is concerned. I actually started towards the end of last year, but it feels like I’ve been on so many dates this year, at least earlier in the year, that I’ve sort of wiped last year’s slate clean. This year I not only dated but really took a liking to one guy in particular. I swore he was the one for me. My mom loved him, my family loved him, and some of my friends did too.

Truth be told, I never inquired of what God thought of him for me, and there were things that I overlooked for the sake of staying together. “Surely he can or will change, right?” That was my thought process. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, and I’m sure there’s some lucky lady out there who’s just right for him; I’m just not her. And while for a long time it felt like a hard thing to admit, it’s just simply true.

I won’t go into details; I’ll just say it was hard to let him go. We even tried to be friends, but that didn’t pan out. And I’ll leave it there and say that letting go is not my strong suit. After much digging (and some quiz-taking too), I’ve come to learn a few things about myself: I can tend to get easily attached to people, places, and things, and it seems I have an anxious attachment style.

This explains why it can be hard for me to part with people, even if they’re not right for me. The tricky part in that is that it can also cloud my judgment. So when I tell you that I recruited all the people, my inner circle at least, to help me see clearly in my next relationships, I am not playing any games. The way I see it is, I’m 32, and I desire to date intentionally with a purpose that will ultimately end in marriage. And I will not get stuck in a marriage with a man who isn’t compatible.

My dating relationships aren’t the only things I had trouble letting go of. I’ve also found myself thinking about some decisions I’ve made over time. Like why did I decide to attend this church? Why do I like to wear this? What’s keeping me in this city? Or why am I afraid of this? Or what’s keeping me in this place? The results are cringy, for me at least, only some of them though.

But I’ve found that in my quest for looking for what I need to let go of, I’ve stayed around and let some things stay around due to comfort. We all know that it’s hard to grow in places of comfort. I’m still shocked at the process of which animals let their young ones go so early. Eagles kick their babies out of the nest so that they’ll be able to utilize the fullness of the strength they were born to carry. It’s so crazy yet so intriguing; I mean only God could come up with such a beautiful system. Although it sounds scary, but when you know the power you carry and the One Who carries you, it makes it easier, and knowing the end goal makes it worth it.

All of that to say, I’ve been holding on to so much for far too long. The thing is, clinging to what’s not best only makes the process of getting what is best longer to come by. There are so many dreams in my heart and so much that I want to do, but if I’m too busy filling my life with what’s not meant for me, what’s meant for me will take longer to find me.

I love the quote that says what’s meant for you won’t pass you by. It’s so true. I’m ready to have what is meant for me by letting go of what isn’t. It’s so hard and definitely easier said than done. But I would rather have to heal from the heartache of letting go now than the heartache of staying and wishing I had let go sooner.

The year is almost over, and we have the opportunity to start the new year on a new foot. I’m not one to say “new year, new me” because there will be nothing new about me if I’m still holding onto the old. But also, I’d like for it to be a new year with new habits, mindsets, boundaries, and ways of doing life. How about you?